in Japan, everything has a face

Tokyo.  How can one even begin to describe the sheer wackiness yet utter serenity of Japanese culture.  It truly is a culture of extremes.  On the one hand it has a rich history of folklore and legend and is home to an immensely polite and gracious society that adheres to tradition and honour.  On the other hand, the Japanese have a penchant for ridiculous fashion, tinny synth pop music, and it's probably the only place in the world you can *allegedly* come across a vending machine that sells used dirty knickers.

Trying a traditional Japanese noodle dish.

Of course, I am largely ethnocentric in my observations and cannot even begin to fully understand how the Japanese really tick, so my interpretations of a vastly complex culture are hampered by my no doubt crude Western worldview which associates Japan with geisha, Pokemon and Nikon cameras, and for this I apologise in advance.  I will try to evoke the feelings that came about as I explored this most interesting city.  I found myself wandering around Tokyo, digital camera in hand (which in fact was a Nikon - they do the best cameras!), snapping photographs in an almost crazed fashion of anything and everything - because it all fascinated me, from the morning weather report to the exterior of metro trains.  I finally understood why Japanese tourists are often tittered at by Londoners as they snap away at cracks in the pavement - because the most mundane, trivial aspect of everyday life is enthralling to someone whose culture is just so far removed from your own.

Sad rainbow!  The morning weather report in Japan.

Now, there is so much to tell, but I thought I might make things concise with a few startling things I discovered.

1. Everything in Japan has a face.

Clouds have faces.

I mean, can you imagine this sort of thing on BBC News?

Buses have faces.

All aboard the happy bus!  On second thoughts, I think it might be a special bus for the disabled, so we shouldn't really laugh.  Cute though.

Warning signs have faces.

In Britain, we are content to have our signs illustrated (if at all) with a stick man running into a black rectangle representing a fire exit.  In Japan, even mundane things like warning of injuries and death are cartoonified.  No idea what the blue blobs are...

Vending machines have faces.

OK, perhaps I'm clutching at straws here, this is clearly a plasticised Japanised facsimile of the Bocca della Verita in Rome.  BUT IT STILL COUNTS.


2. While we're on the subject of vending machines, here's a fun fact:  Japan has the highest number of vending machines per capita.

They were literally everywhere, and it was a bit of a gamble with what came out in the end...no English apart from 'Black Boss' (dubious, but I believe it is a kind of canned coffee) and 'Fire' with what looked like a hazard symbol you come across in chemistry labs. Willing to take a gamble on my life, I decided on 'Fire'.  I ended up with something that tasted faintly of old socks.

Still, you could also get some pretty cool things, like a Smart car:

Must admit I was tempted, but then again I was dying for a soda and I sadly didn't have enough change for both.  And I'm not even joking - with the yen being so expensive, it's not at all that ridiculous to suggest that a soda is the same price as a small car.  I finally knew how it felt to be a foreigner in expensive Britain.

I never came across any used knickers vending machines, so perhaps they're just an urban myth.  Or  maybe I just never had the courage to venture into any seedy red light districts.


3. In Japan, all dogs wear sunglasses.  Cos they are so damn cool.

Spotted in Yoyogi Park.  What a little celeb.

4. In Japan, these sorts of things are completely normal and no cause for alarm whatsoever:

For those of you who can't see very clearly, this is a naked Japanese man having a casual workout sesh in full view of a train platform of commuters.  And no fucks were given that day.

So, there's an tsunami coming, you say?  Well, I'm just to just stand right here on the shore anyway and take my chances.

5.   In Japan, boy and girl bands tend to be a fleet of identical robots.

First off, give it up for SexyZone!  Don't you just want to be ravished by these young red blooded males?

Only five members, a modest number really.  But wait until you see...Hey!Say!Jump!

Nine of them.  A bit excessive, and their band name sounds a little like an aerobics class on acid.

Christ.  Now I've seen enough - this isn't a boy band, it's the Japanese Mafia!  They literally look like they would cut you.  Especially the guy in the shades.  Watch out for him.

Of course, if you're more of a girl band lover, you could always make this funky troupe your new band of choice...give it up for 7 Days Bargain!

Because who wouldn't want to be a member of a band with the word 'bargain' in it?  The consumers know at once they're getting value.


6.  Finally, in Japan I seem to be a bit of a tourist attraction myself.  Whilst visiting a temple in the centre of Tokyo (yes, I did see some cultural things despite this post mainly consisting of funny things) I was stopped by countless Japanese asking to take photos of me.  Because to them, I was this great big blonde giantess with a big nose and clearly some sort of alien being.

So, that about wraps up my crazy visit to Japan.  I cannot wait for next time!