in Japan, everything has a face

Tokyo.  How can one even begin to describe the sheer wackiness yet utter serenity of Japanese culture.  It truly is a culture of extremes.  On the one hand it has a rich history of folklore and legend and is home to an immensely polite and gracious society that adheres to tradition and honour.  On the other hand, the Japanese have a penchant for ridiculous fashion, tinny synth pop music, and it's probably the only place in the world you can *allegedly* come across a vending machine that sells used dirty knickers.

Trying a traditional Japanese noodle dish.

Of course, I am largely ethnocentric in my observations and cannot even begin to fully understand how the Japanese really tick, so my interpretations of a vastly complex culture are hampered by my no doubt crude Western worldview which associates Japan with geisha, Pokemon and Nikon cameras, and for this I apologise in advance.  I will try to evoke the feelings that came about as I explored this most interesting city.  I found myself wandering around Tokyo, digital camera in hand (which in fact was a Nikon - they do the best cameras!), snapping photographs in an almost crazed fashion of anything and everything - because it all fascinated me, from the morning weather report to the exterior of metro trains.  I finally understood why Japanese tourists are often tittered at by Londoners as they snap away at cracks in the pavement - because the most mundane, trivial aspect of everyday life is enthralling to someone whose culture is just so far removed from your own.

Sad rainbow!  The morning weather report in Japan.

Now, there is so much to tell, but I thought I might make things concise with a few startling things I discovered.

1. Everything in Japan has a face.

Clouds have faces.

I mean, can you imagine this sort of thing on BBC News?

Buses have faces.

All aboard the happy bus!  On second thoughts, I think it might be a special bus for the disabled, so we shouldn't really laugh.  Cute though.

Warning signs have faces.

In Britain, we are content to have our signs illustrated (if at all) with a stick man running into a black rectangle representing a fire exit.  In Japan, even mundane things like warning of injuries and death are cartoonified.  No idea what the blue blobs are...

Vending machines have faces.

OK, perhaps I'm clutching at straws here, this is clearly a plasticised Japanised facsimile of the Bocca della Verita in Rome.  BUT IT STILL COUNTS.


2. While we're on the subject of vending machines, here's a fun fact:  Japan has the highest number of vending machines per capita.

They were literally everywhere, and it was a bit of a gamble with what came out in the end...no English apart from 'Black Boss' (dubious, but I believe it is a kind of canned coffee) and 'Fire' with what looked like a hazard symbol you come across in chemistry labs. Willing to take a gamble on my life, I decided on 'Fire'.  I ended up with something that tasted faintly of old socks.

Still, you could also get some pretty cool things, like a Smart car:

Must admit I was tempted, but then again I was dying for a soda and I sadly didn't have enough change for both.  And I'm not even joking - with the yen being so expensive, it's not at all that ridiculous to suggest that a soda is the same price as a small car.  I finally knew how it felt to be a foreigner in expensive Britain.

I never came across any used knickers vending machines, so perhaps they're just an urban myth.  Or  maybe I just never had the courage to venture into any seedy red light districts.


3. In Japan, all dogs wear sunglasses.  Cos they are so damn cool.

Spotted in Yoyogi Park.  What a little celeb.

4. In Japan, these sorts of things are completely normal and no cause for alarm whatsoever:

For those of you who can't see very clearly, this is a naked Japanese man having a casual workout sesh in full view of a train platform of commuters.  And no fucks were given that day.

So, there's an tsunami coming, you say?  Well, I'm just to just stand right here on the shore anyway and take my chances.

5.   In Japan, boy and girl bands tend to be a fleet of identical robots.

First off, give it up for SexyZone!  Don't you just want to be ravished by these young red blooded males?

Only five members, a modest number really.  But wait until you see...Hey!Say!Jump!

Nine of them.  A bit excessive, and their band name sounds a little like an aerobics class on acid.

Christ.  Now I've seen enough - this isn't a boy band, it's the Japanese Mafia!  They literally look like they would cut you.  Especially the guy in the shades.  Watch out for him.

Of course, if you're more of a girl band lover, you could always make this funky troupe your new band of choice...give it up for 7 Days Bargain!

Because who wouldn't want to be a member of a band with the word 'bargain' in it?  The consumers know at once they're getting value.


6.  Finally, in Japan I seem to be a bit of a tourist attraction myself.  Whilst visiting a temple in the centre of Tokyo (yes, I did see some cultural things despite this post mainly consisting of funny things) I was stopped by countless Japanese asking to take photos of me.  Because to them, I was this great big blonde giantess with a big nose and clearly some sort of alien being.

So, that about wraps up my crazy visit to Japan.  I cannot wait for next time!

how to be jet-set glamorous

Image courtesy: © Thinkstock photos/ Getty Images

It is truly a shame that most people now see travel as a rather irritating, stressful interval between home and holiday, something to be endured rather than relished.  I suppose air travel has lost its sheen, now that the average traveller is horded through the terminal, forced to disrobe at security and faced with delays and other setbacks which can push the most patient person to the edge.  But I will say one thing - o typical traveller - sometimes you do not help yourself!

So many times I will be strolling through the terminal and spot people in dirty trainers traipsing around with a scruffy backpack that looks like it's been dragged through the Australian bush.  Or passengers arriving at the plane door in holed tracksuit bottoms and Uggs, or even pyjamas and slippers!  Entire families running haphazardly through the terminal like a stampede of wild elephants rushing to their departure gate.  Or women trying to juggle five different bags and dropping belongings everywhere, arriving at the plane flustered and searching for their boarding pass in a million pockets.

And then I see her.  The seasoned jet-setter, the epitome of travelling glamour.  She glides serenely down the airbridge to the aircraft door, expertly whipping out her boarding pass from a convenient pocket.  She greets us with a smile and quickly slides her carry-on case into the overhead locker, before settling herself in her seat and opening a book.  She is dressed smartly, yet never compromises her style for comfort.  Whether she is seated in 1A or right down the back, this is the woman that is doing travelling right - and these are the people that arrive at their destination the most relaxed.

It is not difficult to achieve.  From my own travelling experiences (I live out of a suitcase, work long-haul and short-haul flights and still have to be groomed and immaculate at all times - otherwise I get a stern word from my manager - along with being organised and punctual) and from what I have observed with the glamorous jet-setters that fly with us, I have compiled a list of 'travel commandments' to help you travel in style.

The Nine Travel Commandments of Jet-Set Glamour

1. Thou shalt stay comfortable, but never compromise style

Some might say style is irrelevant, especially on board a flight where the primary concern is comfort - as if being squashed into a tiny seat like a little sardine wasn't uncomfortable enough.  But often I find that if you look put together, you feel put together.  When I am at home and I need to get a little work done, I find it incredibly hard to focus my mind while I'm in a pair of tracky bottoms or a dressing gown - and navigating airports requires an alert mind!  If you arrive at the airport looking smart, you will feel 'ready' for the day ahead.  Plus, on occasion airlines overbook economy seats, and there are opportunities for upgrade.  Trust me, they won't be picking anyone in crocs or flip flops for business class!  Nevertheless, style and comfort are NOT mutually exclusive.  See my article on style in the skies here.

2. Thou shalt travel light

The ultimate lesson in chic is a minimalist approach to everything, quality over quantity.  The most glamorous passengers I've had on board often just have a carry-on wheelie with them, so they can bypass the agonising wait at the baggage carousel and sail through the airport.  Of course this isn't applicable to long stays, but for a weekend trip, it is all that's needed.  See my article on packing the perfect case here.

3. Thou shalt invest in good luggage

If you must take a large suitcase for a long trip, make it a good one.  I'm not talking an overpriced Louis Vuitton here - vile and tacky if you ask me.  If you are a frequent flier, you will be lugging your baggage around a LOT (unless you happen to be lucky enough to have a PA to do it for you!), so it's important for it to be sturdy, difficult to break into and easy to carry/manoeuvre.  Weigh the pros and cons - hard cases are fairly indestructible, but don't have any pockets for extra storage on the outside.  Some come with built in TSA combination locks which are a good idea, but perhaps you would prefer a padlock. Two wheels or four?  Research on the internet which kind of cases are out there and enter a store armed with knowledge, so you can buy a suitcase tailored to your needs, as it will be your travelling companion for a while.  Well established luggage brands are Delsey, Samsonite, Victorinox and TravelPro, but if you'd like a little glamour, go for Tumi, Bric's or Hartmann.  If you want to push the boat out and make a real investment, go for Goyard.  Don't be fooled by designer labels, go for the brands who specialise in luggage - a Tumi case will most likely last longer than a Chanel one.  While we're on the subject of luggage - invest in a stylish personalised tag.  Cases can look very similar, and you'll want to know at a glance which one is yours on that baggage carousel.  Plus, you will be easy to contact if it is mislaid.  Aspinal of London have a sophisticated selection of leather tags here.

4. Thou shalt be organised

Do everything you possibly can before the day of your flight.  Some airlines allow you to check in online 24 hours before departure which allows you to bypass queues at the airport and select your seat in advance.  Aim to arrive at the airport in good time, allowing for delays and traffic (as a passenger I aim for 2-3 hours before departure - 2 hours too early is always preferable to one minute late!)  Make sure everything has been packed, and essential items (passport, printed boarding passes, reference numbers, documents, medicines, make-up etc) is to hand in your carry-on bag.  There is nothing worse than panicking about essential medicines left in hold luggage, and trust me I've had to get out the asthma inhaler more than once.  Ensure liquids are in a small zip up bag (you can get these from Boots) and under 100ml.  Prepare a few light snacks like carrot/celery sticks, cheese, biscuits to eat on the plane.  Decide on your travel outfit (down to underwear!) and lay out on a chair or hang up on the door.  Order the taxi the night before.
 
Everything should be done the night before, so all you have to worry about in the morning is getting yourself ready and going.  See my article on organised packing here.

5. Thou shalt stay hydrated

This is an important one.  The aeroplane air circulation system dries out the air to such an extent that your skin will be feeling somewhat like a crocodile handbag by the end of the flight.  Avoid alcohol and caffeine (restrict yourself to one glass of wine and savour it with the meal, and if you must drink coffee, have a cup shortly before landing).  Drinking lots of water is key, if you have time buy a large bottle in the terminal shops - after security - as if the crew aren't doing many drinks rounds throughout the flight you will be suffering!  Dehydration makes you tired and grumpy, not to mention causing headaches and nausea.  When you step off that flight you want to be glamorous and glowing, not paunchy and depressed.

6. That shalt beat jet-lag

The jet-set always look polished, even when stepping off a long-haul flight.  OK, so they've probably had a nice flat bed to snooze in, but even if you find it difficult to sleep in an upright position you may find tips in this article here useful.  I can definitely vouch for lavender as a sleep aid - plus it smells lovely!

7. Thou shalt exercise

OK, so airlines aren't offering treadmills on board quite yet, but it is important to get out of your seat and stretch your legs every few hours on a long-haul flight, so you arrive at your destination comfortable, serene, relaxed and oh-so glam - it's hard to be travelling in style if you're aching and in pain.  See my article about keeping moving on board here.

8. Thou shalt read

Books are truly the chicest form of entertainment.  Glamorous women are often intelligent, interesting and well read.  Taking a book onboard is good practice, as you never know when the inflight entertainment system might fail.  I often hear people say they 'don't read enough' as they simply 'don't have time' - what better time to get around to reading a book than on a long plane journey?

9. Thou shalt be gracious

Last of all, the key to a stress-free journey in style is simple: be gracious and civil to your cabin crew, and they will do their best to help you.  Putting on airs and graces is not only foolish and vulgar, but we can see right through it - I have had my fair share of DYKWIAs and none of them were anyone of note.  If you want special treatment (without paying), a smile, a joke and a little charm - and knowing when to realise defeat - can go a long way.  FYI - in my experience, the most gracious people are usually the jet-set travelling in First Class.

So there you have it.  I hope these tips help you on your next adventure!

the pretty streets of prague

Now for a little descriptive piece...written as I meandered around Prague on a cold winter's day...

Cafe Gourmand, Rytířská, Prague

4pm

The cool wind of approaching winter whips around me as I sit, huddling, a solitary figure on a small cafe terrace on Rytířská.  I clutch my tiny, overpriced cappuccino for warmth, but its last embers slowly ebb away as I drain the cup.  It's my own fault, my decision to sit outside on this fresh November afternoon.  

But I love the atmosphere of a European city, especially on its cobbled streets; to people watch; to admire the majestic buildings, a hodgepodge of eras - Baroque style theatre to my left, Art Deco style bank to my right.  Locals hurrying along with their Christmas shopping, tourists ambling about holding maps at jaunty angles, trying to make sense of the Czech street names.

The chill of late afternoon is settling in now, the sun of the crisp day quietly fading behind the parapets, the cobblestones now barely dappled with light.  

Quickly I devour my warm, goulash soup before it too succumbs to winter's bite.  Walking back to the hotel is a tour through a winter wonderland.  Despite the multitude of shoppers and tourists, the streets are surprisingly hushed.  Small market stalls decked with holly wreaths sell their kitschy wares - gingerbread, woolly hats, wooden dolls - huddled cosily below a large building transformed into a giant advent calendar, with huge glistening numbers in its windows.

I cross the crystal clear waters of the Danube, admiring its gentle beauty, yet imagining the freezing sensation if I were to fall in...only this summer had I taken a dip in its waters, but the thought of it now brings a shudder to my shoulders.  

As I meander, I idly wonder what gives the streets of Prague that particularly European flavour, so different to any street in England.  It isn't the cobbles, nor the old-fashioned streetlamps.  Nor the trams snaking through like giant caterpillars, nor its mismatching architecture.  And suddenly I put my finger on it - the cars are parked at an angle to the road, rather than parallel.  You'd find the same in Lyon, or Milan, or Budapest. That's exactly it!

wilkommen in Hamburg

So, for a little pre-birthday treat I decided to take my mum with me on my stopover in Hamburg.  Of course, she was seated in Club both ways the glamour puss she is!  On arrival the weather was rather grim, and unfortunately Germany don't go all out for Christmas til late November so no Christmas Market :( (probably because they still retain a sense of spirituality and reverence for the holiday, as opposed to the commercialised, advent-calendars-in-September thing we have going on in the UK - I blame the Americans!).

Nevertheless the walk into town around the Aussenalster lake was a beautiful, technicolour Autumn scene...

...and the beauty of German architecture made up for the grey clouds.  Of course as all ladies must do, we shopped, and we lunched!  She bought me a gorgeous navy duck-down coat...and liked it so much she had to have one too...

Lunch was at this darling little bistro, where we drank gluhwein with amaretto (amazingly delicious)

and had a sort of plastic version of Paul O'Grady as a waiter, perhaps his German twin.  He understood no English, but luckily 'doppelganger' is one of our borrowed words, so after Googling Paul O'Grady on his smartphone and guffawing a loud German guffaw he agreed to a photo with us.  The result was truly terrifying.

On reflection, zipping through the photos on the way home I realise it looks like we're at the coffee shop at Madame Tussauds.  But he was a lovely gentleman and made us promise we'd return!

The rest of the day was spent giggling at German words that sound naughty, like 'Kunterbunt' (coloured), 'Ausfahrt' (exit) and 'Striggings' which technically isn't a German word but seems to be what they call legwarmers.

'Let me get me striggin's on Pat!'

Plus their fashion offerings were somewhat dubious:

Thigh high welly boots. Germans definitely know the meaning of CHIC and SEXY.

So a day that was supposed to be a day of European culture descended into puerile humour but hey, we had FUN.  We did walk around the gorgeously lit harbour as night drew in, and appreciated the architecutre before returning to our hotel room for a evening of room service and girly films!

all aboard for Mordor!

It has recently come to my attention that Air New Zealand has a pretty awesome new safety demo featuring hobbits and elves, orcs slumming it in economy and Gandalf in the skipper's seat!  I don't think my airline would ever be quirky enough for this sort of thing, but I think it's brilliant.  For once, perhaps passengers will actually pay attention rather than chatting away to a friend across the cabin...